From Stagnant to Stillness by Stephen E. Williams II

So, there I was graduation night at Purdue with my mother, who was so happy about me graduating that you can see every tooth in her mouth as she smiled. I’m standing there holding up my diploma after six years of toiling and crawling to receive my bachelors. Yep. You read that right. SIX YEARS. During those six years, I did a lot of soul searching to conclude that earning an Industrial Management degree and minoring in Chemistry would be the best course of action to having a successful career and, by extension, life. At least that’s what I thought would happen…

But, as you can see from the look on my face despite my hard-earned achievement, I was less than enthused. I had a mix of emotions, and most of them were not so positive. While I was definitely proud, I also felt a bit of worry, peppered with anxiety, and topped off with a dab of depression. Internally, I had one burning question in mind:

“WHAT IN THE HELL AM I GOING TO DO NOW?!”

While most of my peers had at least figured out the next few years of their lives, I had yet to figure out my own. Why? Remember that Industrial Management degree? Well, that hustle was rigorous and didn’t leave a lot of time to apply to jobs and plan my short- or long-term goals. For the first time in a long time, I was afraid for my future.

Finding My Way

Within a couple of months post-graduation after a summer of stressing and applying to jobs, I finally found a job! Oh, it was awesome. Not only did I get the opportunity to wake up in the wee hours of the morning (often 3 or 4 in the morning), but I also got to lug heavy objects to load them into trailers so they could get to their destinations on time. Fun, right? No, not so much.

It was not a fun job, but it was a paycheck and decent exercise. I knew it was not going to be my life; I just had no idea how to answer that question of what I would do with my life. Every day was a constant struggle not to descend into more depression and self-loathing. My brooding game was definitely on point (almost on par with Batman or the Green Arrow). My mom sensed my anxiety and depression, but she didn’t know how to help. In the end, I knew that I had to come to the answer on my own. There was only one place that I could go for answers. It was a place I avoided for a long time until the day of my epiphany.

GOD. That’s right. The big G-O-D. I thought I could figure everything out on my own. I have always tried not to be negatively consumed by pride, but the behavior crept on me from time to time. After weeks and months of nothing as I lugged around parcels, I decided to take one of my ten-minute breaks to sit outside and just pray out loud as my last-ditch effort to gain a slither of hope for my future. I prayed for answers as if God was right next to me and we were having an actual conversation. I can’t remember everything I said exactly, but it went a little something like this…

“This can’t be what you want me to do for the rest of my life. There’s gotta be something better. Show me the way. What do you want me to do? Show me. Help me out here.”

That went on for about eight minutes. Then I just sat there, closed my eyes and tried to relax. Soon, I was still. By the end of the ninth minute, the answer came: the film industry.

Everyone that knew me then, and especially people who know me now, know that I LOVE film and television. From superheroes and action films to conscious films way ahead of their time, I love ‘em all. It was even a small thought in my head during my years at Purdue to pursue entertainment, but, like the crush we’ve all had that we could never steel ourselves to ask out on a date, I was never courageous enough to pursue it then. I thought the same way that everyone thought when I brought up pursuing a film career in conversations: “How are you going to make money doing that?”

But in that time of stillness, I realized something. I was already down on myself and I already felt suffocated working in a modern-day chain gang. In my mind, I knew I had nothing to lose in pursuing what was truly MY DREAM. MY CALLING.

And with that, I simply said, “Thank you.” I got up and got back to work. Right after that shift, I went straight home and researched how to pursue film. That was a hell of a Google search.

After my research, I found out that I already had an ability that I never really wanted to acknowledge. I could write. It was always there, but I didn’t know how I would use it to do anything. But from heart wrenching e-mails to short stories and poems, many people felt my words were powerful. I had a gift, and I hid it from the world. The funny thing about having a gift is when you don’t use it, the gift has an interesting way of making you miserable until you do. I realized that it was time to pull off the wrapping paper, open the box and let this bird fly. It was time to be a screenwriter!

I started working on applying to schools right then and there. Eventually, I got into DePaul University and, after two years of even more toiling to keep up with deadlines and more crawling to the finish line…

I graduated with a Master of Fine Arts in Screenwriting. As you can imagine, my mom cheesed the same way she did when I earned my undergraduate degree. Probably even bigger. I must admit; I was a little proud, too. I never thought I would ever go back to school after Purdue, but this time around I was in pursuit of my dream. I knew I would find a way to blend my industrial management and screenwriting degrees, and eventually, make an impact in the world through my work to entertain and get people to think about their lives and society.

What that picture doesn’t show is me during the months of my last quarter stressing while figuring out the next steps of my career as a filmmaker. But I was ready this time. I would not wait until the last minute to apply to jobs. I started months in advance and applied to EVERYTHING I could in the industry. I started the process with great hope, but as days turned into weeks which turned into months of silence, the best I could muster was a summer temp job. I am grateful to have a paycheck, but I am also eager to get my career off the ground.

I know this is a roller coaster of a story and seems a bit glum, but hang in there with me.

“All those months… All those applications… And nothing but a temp job?”

That was the mantra I woke up to, walked around with all day, and, often, went to sleep with. Sometimes in my head. Sometimes out loud. The anxiety felt even more real, the depression even more prevalent, and even more brooding took place. Here I was living with my mom again, regrouping to figure things out and putting in effort, but failing. The more applications and resumes I sent out, the more I felt defeated from the lack of calls and offers. Anyone would feel hurt from the hits that just keep on hitting. I knew I wasn’t alone in this, but it didn’t help that I was still taking blows.

I felt stagnant. Like there was no real growth in my life, and to an extent, not much of a point to it. But then, during some of my low moments of brooding in my personal “Batcave,” something interesting started happening. Ideas kept popping up in my head and flowing onto a notepad, note card, word document or iPhone note of things to accomplish, scripts to write and film and other projects to undergo and complete. It was then I realized that “stagnancy” might not necessarily be a bad thing after all.

“Power is stillness.”

Remember when I spoke with God seeking answers? Not only did He give me answers, but He also gave me stillness. I was experiencing stillness while also in action. As a character in one of my favorite series, Luke Cage, once said, “Power is stillness.” And he was completely right.

You may think you can function in a high stress situation when pumped full of cortisol (the stress hormone), but there’s something about stillness that feels just right. The stillness to be able to adapt to any situation that comes your way whether that something involves low or high stress. The stillness which allows one to “be water,” as Bruce Lee preached in an interview before he passed.

The stillness I felt following the anxiety after completing my master’s degree came before my spiritual water started to flow in the form of ideas. I was (and still am) a conduit of ideas to not only keep myself out of the drowning waters of depression, but to also (as I soon realized) help others find the stillness within themselves to lead to their own powers and talents, and pursue their dreams.

Now to the good stuff…
As this stillness which leads to a realization of power feels almost like a marriage of one with their own spirit, I’ll break these four parts of stillness down into the old wedding rhyme of what brides wear to their weddings. These are things I found that continue to help me power through my slump to eventually fulfill my destiny as I follow my path. It goes a little something like this:

“Something old”

Is there an old skill you learned as a kid that you haven’t done in a long while? Did you play an instrument? Sing? Practice martial arts? Draw?

Has anxiety or concerns of your current situation made you lose sight of your calling or craft?

If you answered “yes” at all, then you are sitting in the same boat that I just vacated. After graduation, all my worries put my writing to a screeching halt. I couldn’t think about outlining an idea (let alone write it). It almost felt as though two years of a rigorous writing program was going down the toilet. Eventually, I came to the point of stillness where ideas could flow and get on pages again. Now, I’m excited to open my laptop and get back to work. I am thrilled to lay out note cards to figure out how a story will flow. Simply thinking about ideas brings me a sense of wonder. To imagine a world before it exists on the page; it’s a wonderful feeling. I’m sure anyone doing anything that brings them joy knows the exact same feeling. Once you find that your core abilities help make you who you are, hold onto them. Hone your craft. Continue to do the work, the research and practice to get better. You can’t imagine where you’ll be until you get back to work.

So, dust off that old skill of yours as it might bring something out of you that’s been waiting to be unleashed for a very long time. From personal experience, I can say it feels great.

“Something new”

Learning a new skill is hard, but it can be rewarding in more ways than one.

Like Sherlock Holmes who always craves a case to the point of being frustrated if he doesn’t, I have always been the kind of person who often needs engagement, which can include trying new things. “To keep my hands busy,” as I like to say. A little-known fact about me is that I like to listen to podcasts. Listening to others talk about things that interest me within the entertainment industry (as well as other miscellaneous topics) interests me and helps me to develop myself as an aspiring professional writer.

In a moment of stillness, I asked myself, “Why don’t I make my own podcast?” Of course, I then doubted myself and thought, “There are plenty of other podcasts that talk about some of the same things. What would make mine any different?” But then that same switch I felt so long ago clicked in my head to make me think, “Why not?” So, along with other short film projects that I am working to create, I started the process of developing and producing a podcast. I reached out to an old friend who loves all things music and film, and we’re now in the process of creating our own podcast which will review films and television as well as discuss how art (film, music, photography, etc.) can impact our culture. Creating a podcast and editing audio to create content is completely foreign to me, but film analysis and critique (a skill I practiced over the years before and during grad school) is foreign to my podcast partner. In this way, we are teaching each other completely new skills to round ourselves out as individuals and aspiring professionals in entertainment.

Learning new skills can be difficult and even scary because of the possibility of failure, but you never know where such skills can come in handy in the future. In truth, I still have trouble from time to time with either starting the practice of learning a new skill or believing in myself as I continue to learn one. But the point of picking up a new skill is to broaden your horizons and accomplish something, and that’s what keeps me pushing through the process. If nothing else, it’s something to keep you busy and pushing forward to your next project or next chapter in life. As I am doing with my podcast project with a sense of wonder, dive right into learning a new skill (whether on your own, with a partner, or with a mentor/teacher in life or school) and reap the personal and career benefits from them.

“Something borrowed”

This section is a bit tricky for me. “How can ‘something borrowed’ help bring someone to receive power from stillness?”

Let me ask you some things. Are you “borrowing” a streaming service account from a friend to binge watch something that brings you joy (regardless of how temporary it is)? Are you borrowing someone’s sugar to make a cake that will bring you and your taste buds joy? You can borrow other things that would help bring you joy and stillness for the long run.

BORROW a gym membership to help you make some gains and feel good about yourself and your physical accomplishments. There are many kinds of memberships that allow someone to bring a guest. Do you have a friend that is looking for a gym partner? Tag along. Better yet, get a friend to make a gym pact with you and you both could sign up for memberships to make all kinds of gains and feel good doing it. As I’m sure the Dynamic Duo would admit, everyone could use a good partner.

BORROW a resume template so you can update your resume and get your applications out there. I know all too well going through my job hunt as we speak that it can get depressing getting few (if any) hits. Keep putting them out there anyway. As my cheesing mother keeps reminding, there is a law of averages. Eventually, the “yes” will come. Use that as motivation to continue to push because it will come.

And maybe the job you get hired for at first or for a while isn’t your ideal job. There’s nothing wrong with the odd job here and there. The temp job I’m working now is actually fun not only because of the environment, but also because I get to laugh and smile with the customers I help get through the silly environment. In a way, I feel as though I’m helping to bring joy to others. And let me tell you that it’s a great feeling.

Something else that could be BORROWED is time from those around us. There is nothing wrong with seeking help from friends or family if you need advice to get through a rough patch. If things are even rougher than friends or family can help with, do not be afraid to seek out mental health professionals as they can be great help as well.

Whatever you can “borrow” that’s still legally and morally sound, make sure it’s something that can bring you joy and a sense of stillness, and if possible, helps bring others joy. After all, isn’t it important that we do good for ourselves AND others?

“Something blue”

As with all things in life, there must be balance. As power comes from stillness, so too does balance. Just like the yin-yang symbol, everything must be balanced. Just like red can be seen as a color of power and action, BLUE can be seen as a color of stillness and peace. After all, what’s the color of water (as Bruce Lee referred to) if you get enough of it together in a pool or even the ocean? That’s right. Blue!

So, while you engage with your red fire of will power to get things done and take action in your life, you must also become in tune with your blue energy of peace. You must do whatever you can to keep yourself centered. Meditation. Yoga. Tai Chi. Prayer. Even getting enough peaceful sleep at night. You must do whatever you can to stay balanced. Otherwise, you will burn out from the lack of rest and inner peace. Just like I had to meditate and pray in certain instances to bring myself back to center, so must you do the same.

In the end…

Embracing and fighting for your dreams is not only about taking the necessary actions to get to where you are supposed to be, but it is also about being at peace with and grateful for where you are in your current state of existence. Being still enough so you can use your God-given power to do what you must do to better yourself, the world, and others. Keep the balance. Keep the peace.

About the Author: 

Stephen Williams II is a screenwriter with a Master of Fine Arts in the field. Using his knowledge of martial arts, superheroes and film/television, he writes not only to entertain, but to also help people to contemplate their lives and embrace and fight for their dreams as he has always had to and continues to do so. Find him on:

Facebook – Stephen E. Williams II (username: stephenwilliamsii)

Twitter – @I_Am_SteveWill

Instagram - @i_am_stevewill

LinkedIn - Stephen Williams II, MFA