Friends: How Many of Us Have Them? by Danielle Jones

Have you ever been friends with someone for a while and you realized that maybe it wasn’t the healthiest friendship to have?

Me too!

Don’t get me wrong, it was the hardest realization to have. If you’re like me, when you let someone in and call them your friend you truly cherish that relationship. So, when you come to the point in your life where the friendship must end for your own peace of mind it isn’t the best feeling.

I personally felt selfish for ending it at first. I mean because I thought, well could this be fixed? Am I really willing to end a friendship because of this situation? I honestly had to truly reflect on the friendship as a whole and weigh the pros and cons. Which in reality, any time you are about to make a change you should always look at the positives and negatives and make a sound decision. Considering that we had only been friends for a few short years, I knew it was the right thing to do for me.

In my elementary classroom we are learning about character traits and have discussed what it means to be selfish. We all agreed that being selfish isn’t the best trait to have. However, I discussed with my students that sometimes being selfish is okay. When someone is interrupting your energy and isn’t bringing the positivity you need to fulfill a healthy life, you have to cut them off.

You all know what they say about toxic relationships; "they will pollute everything around them. Don’t hesitate, fumigate." In that order! When I confided in my best friend regarding the failed friendship, she said, “Dani, stop trying to be friends with folks you are just cool with.” Babbyyy when I tell you that little gem was exactly what I needed to hear.

When people show you who they are, BELIEVE THE FUCK OUT OF THEM. Just because you get along with people does not mean they deserve the right to be your friend. Hide ya kids, hide ya wife, toxic relationships are climbing in your space and snatching yo energy up. You’ve been warned.



Drake might’ve had a point when he said no new friends. That being said, the niceness in me has still continued to embrace new friendships, but I am always more cautious now. That much needed life lesson had me reflecting on the friendships I’ve already had for 5+ years. 

This reflection led me to the quote from Anais Nin. There aren’t too many white women I’m just out here quoting. I mean because honestly, I am a firm believer and supporter of all things black girl magic. However, Anais Nin, French-American diarist, novelist, and writer of short stories and erotica, is one of my favorite white women, and she surely hit the hammer on the nail when she talks about friendships. Nin once said, “Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”



Anais girl, preach! 

God has truly blessed me with the friendships that I have in my life. They have come into my circle and changed my life in more ways than I could have ever dreamed or imagined. In a world where life is complicated and filled with ups and downs you have these friends who are there during these journeys to help support you. Real friends enter your life and help mold you into your greatness. Constantly there to push and encourage you to be better and most importantly to want better for yourself. Friendships in my opinion are just as important if not more than family because unlike family they are handpicked. The right friendships truly can be healthy for you in so many ways. Get rid of the toxic friends and learn to embrace and nurtured the friendships you have. Continue to be the friend you want to receive and only allow people in your circle who are willing to foster that same relationship.

About the Author:

Danielle Jones was born and raised from Guthrie, OK. She received her Bachelors of Science in Elementary Education from Oklahoma State University. She is currently teaching 3rd grade in the Oklahoma City Public Schools, pursuing a Master's degree in Urban Education at Langston University and a co-host of the podcast Woke N Broke which you can find on your podcast platforms. Check her out and get to know her!